A chart of things we wish you

A chart of things we wish you

dailydot:

Who needs the mail? Send a GIFcard instead!

thefrogman:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the houseNot a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

Children laid in their beds knowing St. Nick was nearThey were bundles of joy filled with Christmas cheer

The internet was quiet, hardly a soul searched for porn

They went to sleep early, awaiting Christmas morn

Like a large, bearded burrito, I laid wrapped in my bed While visions of corgis danced in my head

But then on my roof, I heard a strange sound Like a bunch of hoof-steps and then a great pound I rose from my sleep and put on some pants I missed one of the leg-holes and did an awkward dance

I heard a loud rustling and thought it was lootersWith my bat’leth in hand I patrolled for intruders

I saw a dark figure who held a large sackI sneaked in behind and planned my attackI swung and I punched with all of my mightBut this dastardly fiend hardly put up a fight

I jabbed with my blade, he was pinned to the wallThen I realized he was no intruder at all This startling discovery gave me great pauseFor I had just pummeled dear old Santa Claus 

I surveyed his wounds, he was out like a lightThere was no way he could finish his job on this nightI couldn’t ruin Christmas for all the girls and boys This was my fault, so I would deliver their toys.
I got to the roof and saw Santa’s sleigh The reindeer were waiting to get underwayI hopped aboard and then grabbed the reins I suddenly realized I had forgotten their names Now Steve! Now Dave! Now Lenny and John!On Pete! On Phil! On Darryl and Ron!
The sleigh did not move, and they gave me a scoff I googled their names, I was WAY off
Now Dasher!

Now Dancer!

Now Prancer and Vixen!

On Comet!

On Cupid!

On Donner and Blitzen!

The eight magic reindeer took off in a rushI hurried them on as I shouted, “Mush! Mush!” We flew ‘cross the moon and jingled our bells We flew past the ocean and its midnight swells

I slipped down chimneys and delivered the toys I ate all the cookies left by good girls and boys

Christmas was saved, and I let out a sighIf the children had known, they surely would cry

So yes, I beat up Santa, but he is doing just fineHe’ll be back to normal in the nick of timeThe elves picked him up and treated his wounds He’s doing very well and will recover quite soonI said a jolly, “Ho ho ho!” when I heard he was alright And I shouted from on high…
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!”

CreditsPummeled Santa - Chris Gugliotti [full size | webcomic | tumblr]Reindeer GIFs - Mel Roach [tumblr]E.T. Moon GIF - Sam H. [tumblr] 

thefrogman:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

image

Children laid in their beds knowing St. Nick was near
They were bundles of joy filled with Christmas cheer

image

The internet was quiet, hardly a soul searched for porn

image

They went to sleep early, awaiting Christmas morn

image

Like a large, bearded burrito, I laid wrapped in my bed
While visions of corgis danced in my head

image

But then on my roof, I heard a strange sound
Like a bunch of hoof-steps and then a great pound
I rose from my sleep and put on some pants
I missed one of the leg-holes and did an awkward dance

image

I heard a loud rustling and thought it was looters
With my bat’leth in hand I patrolled for intruders

image

I saw a dark figure who held a large sack
I sneaked in behind and planned my attack
I swung and I punched with all of my might
But this dastardly fiend hardly put up a fight

image

I jabbed with my blade, he was pinned to the wall
Then I realized he was no intruder at all 
This startling discovery gave me great pause
For I had just pummeled dear old Santa Claus 

image

I surveyed his wounds, he was out like a light
There was no way he could finish his job on this night
I couldn’t ruin Christmas for all the girls and boys 
This was my fault, so I would deliver their toys.

I got to the roof and saw Santa’s sleigh
The reindeer were waiting to get underway
I hopped aboard and then grabbed the reins
I suddenly realized I had forgotten their names
Now Steve! Now Dave! Now Lenny and John!
On Pete! On Phil! On Darryl and Ron!

The sleigh did not move, and they gave me a scoff
I googled their names, I was WAY off

Now Dasher!

image

Now Dancer!

image

Now Prancer and Vixen!

imageimage

On Comet!

image

On Cupid!

image

On Donner and Blitzen!

imageimage

The eight magic reindeer took off in a rush
I hurried them on as I shouted, “Mush! Mush!”
We flew ‘cross the moon and jingled our bells
We flew past the ocean and its midnight swells

image

I slipped down chimneys and delivered the toys
I ate all the cookies left by good girls and boys

imageimageimage

Christmas was saved, and I let out a sigh
If the children had known, they surely would cry

image

So yes, I beat up Santa, but he is doing just fine
He’ll be back to normal in the nick of time
The elves picked him up and treated his wounds
He’s doing very well and will recover quite soon
I said a jolly, “Ho ho ho!” when I heard he was alright 
And I shouted from on high…

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!”

image

Credits
Pummeled Santa - Chris Gugliotti [full sizewebcomic | tumblr]
Reindeer GIFs - Mel Roach [tumblr]
E.T. Moon GIF - Sam H. [tumblr

whosthewhatnow:

You have spoken!! The winner is The Grinch!
-Play dead

whosthewhatnow:

You have spoken!! The winner is The Grinch!

-Play dead

gifcards:

Happy holidays from Jason Reed and the Daily Dot!

gifcards:

Happy holidays from Jason Reed and the Daily Dot!

(via dailydot)

gifcards:

Santa is a man of few words.

gifcards:

Santa is a man of few words.

(via dailydot)

collegehumor:

Guy Artfully Reenacts IKEA Monkey
It’s the Internet equivalent of a nativity play.

collegehumor:

Guy Artfully Reenacts IKEA Monkey

It’s the Internet equivalent of a nativity play.

(Source: reddit.com)

chuckhistory:

Santa Switch

chuckhistory:

Santa Switch

thedaddycomplex:

I’m thinking of jumping on the “Elf on the Shelf” bandwagon, but maybe upping the game a bit. This one should keep the boys in line.
(Source: Susan’s Custom Creepy Dolls)

Oh my God, David.

thedaddycomplex:

I’m thinking of jumping on the “Elf on the Shelf” bandwagon, but maybe upping the game a bit. This one should keep the boys in line.

(Source: Susan’s Custom Creepy Dolls)

Oh my God, David.

lizclimo:

mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.. but a kiss can be even deadlier if it’s with a narwhal. 

lizclimo:

mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.. but a kiss can be even deadlier if it’s with a narwhal. 

Tumblr Secret Santa!

futureben:

Ok my idea is simple, lets put on an International Tumblr Secret Santa for this Christmas.

Rules are simple, if you want to take part, let me know. I will gather all the names and draw randomly a person each of us taking part will buy a present for.

And let’s keep it simple, with a $10 limit (feel free to go over if you really want to)

Another rule is if you want to be part of this, then you have at accept the person you are selected to buy for. This can unfortunately mean International shipping costs are extra, so if you get someone from across the sea, don’t buy anything large or heavy (unless you want to pay the large shipping costs)

Lets all try and make this happen! Message me if keen, I want to get the ball rolling so we can start assigning people out. Lets get to know each other better buy giving each other shitty presents! Isn’t that what Christmas is really about?

Note: I will be keeping track of who gets who so if someone receives something vulgar, I will be happy to disclose the sender.

Oh, I am keen!

boonebuscus:

SANTA: HIS SECRETS EXPOSED!

I believe again. It all makes sense!

(via beardycoxmilkshakeman)

I LOVE the new direction AtDevin (previously known as picturesandbadpuns) is headed.

Our trip to see Santa got a little out of hand.

Our trip to see Santa got a little out of hand.