Hi, you might remember me. I’m the Hiccup Girl of 2007. You don’t remember me? Damnit! Remember??? Back in 2007…when I had the hiccups for like six weeks and totally caught the attention of the nation…How could you forget that? Need a refresher? Here’s a blurb from this New York Times Article:
Ms. Mee, one may recall, was the “hiccup girl” of 2007 — the teenager from Tampa whose nonstop hiccups, up to 50 times a minute for six weeks, caught the attention of the nation.
Yeah, did you see that part about me catching the attention of the nation? Okay, now that you are up to speed, I want to tell you something. I don’t want to be the Hiccup Girl anymore. You see, as it turns out, there’s not really a lucrative career in Hiccups. I thought I was going to be a star! I thought I’d get some sort of amazing sponsorship deal. But did you know that there really aren’t any major pharmaceutical products that focus on curing hiccups? What’s with that anyway? And it’s not like I can get sponsorship deal with “scaring someone” or “holding your breath a really long time.”
So…after 6 weeks of the most annoying 15 minutes of fame anyone could ever have, I had nothing to show for it. People would come up to me all the time and say things like, “Hey you’re that hiccup girl, right? Need me to scare you?”
Well my English teacher told me that you can control your own destiny and be anything you want to be. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be, but I knew I didn’t want to be the Hiccup Girl anymore. So I started thinking about what I could do. Turns out I really can’t do anything. My English teacher failed to mention how hard it is to control your destiny when you have no marketable skills.
But then, me and these two guys I know, found a way to change my identity. Here’s the next part of that NYT article:
Now she is back in the spotlight, facing murder charges.
The police in St. Petersburg say Ms. Mee, 19, lured Shannon Griffin, 22, to a home there on Saturday, where two male accomplices — Laron C. Raiford, 20, and Lamont Newton, 22 — tried to rob him. When Mr. Griffin resisted, he was shot four times and killed, the police said.
BAM! New identity! “Hey, aren’t you that Hiccup Girl?” NO. I’m that MURDER girl. MUURRRDERRRR. That’s right. Did I stutter? Did I hiccup?
The press and my moms are trying to make it sound like I’m a victim here.
Ms. Robidoux said that she did not know where her daughter might have gone wrong, but that the hiccup fame — “her case wasn’t a case of the hiccups, it was a curse of the hiccups,” she said — might have led to the wrong crowd of friends.
Wrong crowd of friends my ass! They weren’t my friends. They were my thugs. Because from now on I’m the Murder Girl. Is that name taken already? I’ll have to look it up. I might come up with a better name. One that totally DOES NOT include the word hiccup.
Alright, I gotta go. The police said I had one phone call but I told them I just wanted one blog post instead. Now they’re telling me I’ve exceeded my character limit.
Epilogue: As murder girl clicked “create post” she felt an all too familiar feeling build up in her lungs. She started to hiccup. She couldn’t stop during the whole ride to the prison. As she was escorted to her cell past all the other convicts, someone called out, “Look at this fresh meat. She got the hiccups! Hey Hiccup Girl!”