That question from earlier made me think of this.
If one of our boys comes to me on the verge of tears and says, “I bonked my elbow!” I check out the injury and say something like, “Well, it seems okay, so… oh, wait a minute. Okay, I see. Yeah, this is going to have to come off.” Then, I pretend to try and pull their arm off.
I put a lot of effort into it, grunting and gritting my teeth, sometimes dangling them upside down. Then, I look for the “release switch,” which invariably resides under the armpit. When they’re squealing with laughter, I stop and say, “Well, I can’t get it to come off. Think you’ll be okay?” They always say yes.
I have yet to try this tactic on a serious injury.
- Wyatt: Let's pretend we're bad guys, but we do nice things for people in a nice way.
- Me: That sounds like we'd be good guys, then.
- Wyatt: But, we're bad guys.
- Me: So, we're bad bad guys?
- Wyatt: Yeah.
The other day, Wyatt and I were playing with toy cars, pretending to race each other. I said, “Uh-oh, I’m going to pass you.”
He said, “Then, I shoot fire at you and you drive off the cliff.”
And I said…
Took my little sister toy shopping today. After much browsing, she chose a pack of Hot Wheels cars. She wanted to pay so I gave her the money. As we were waiting in line, some dude waiting behind us asks:
“Buying those for your brother?”
My sister gives him a weird look, “No. They’re mine.”
“You sure you want those, sweetheart? Those are for boys.” He says.
Before I can say anything, my sister yells, like truly yells at the top of her lungs, “MY MOMMY IS A GIRL AND DRIVES A CAR EVERY DAY! GIRLS CAN HAVE CARS TOO!”
The people in front of us in line turn around. The cashier actually stops what she’s doing. Everyone stares at this guy and he just sort of turns red, grabs his kid, and disappears into the Lego aisle.
Awesome kid. I force my son to play with dolls. It makes him cry, but I just really like to watch.
Okay, that is the creepiest joke I have ever made in my life. I should dele-
- Daughter, flipping through dictionary: Oh ho ho! What a funny joke! Mom, you should read this joke!