nickelodeon:

Mikey loves smoke bombs!

My DVR failed to record today’s episode! I’m so sad!

collegehumor:

James Bond Resigns Following 790 Sexual Affairs [Click for Full Report]
James Bond, a longtime agent with the British Secret Service, has announced his resignation after being implicated in a vast number of sexual affairs. He issued the following statement earlier today:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for coming. I am here to announce that I am stepping down from my position with British Intelligence and handing in my License To Kill, effective immediately. The fact is, I willingly engaged in conduct unbefitting an individual in my profession, as I have engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with approximately 790 different individuals during my tenure with this organization, in a variety of locations around the world including numerous boats, moving vehicles, and areas just outside volcanic villain lairs, often times massively endangering myself, my sexual partner, and my mission in the process.
First off, I’d like to apologize to everyone I’ve hurt: To the British government and its citizens, to M, to Miss Moneypenny, and most of all, to my loving wife of more than 30 years, Susan Wertz-Bond. Suzie, you’ll always be my rock, and I thank you for all of your unwavering support during this trying time.
Now, a lot of you didn’t know I was married, and there’s a reason for that: I’m an international superagent who constantly puts myself and those around me in mortal danger. Do you really expect me to go around wearing a wedding band and mentioning my wife willy-nilly when I’m banging villain-mistresses by the half-dozen inside laser-guarded kill-chambers? Sure, if I didn’t love my wife and wanted someone to come kidnap her, I could say “sorry I’m married” and refrain from constant sex with mysterious and often incredibly dangerous strangers, but I’ve never been one to take the easy way out. And yes, this also applies to when I’m off duty and frequent local pubs, and when I banged that Chili’s hostess six weeks ago, and when I slept with my wife’s sister Denise while she was visiting her grandmother in the hospital: The fact is, you just never know who’s secretly an evil double-agent, so it’s best to just never mention your wife in front of anyone, ever. I stand by that. [Keep Reading]

collegehumor:

James Bond Resigns Following 790 Sexual Affairs [Click for Full Report]

James Bond, a longtime agent with the British Secret Service, has announced his resignation after being implicated in a vast number of sexual affairs. He issued the following statement earlier today:

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for coming. I am here to announce that I am stepping down from my position with British Intelligence and handing in my License To Kill, effective immediately. The fact is, I willingly engaged in conduct unbefitting an individual in my profession, as I have engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with approximately 790 different individuals during my tenure with this organization, in a variety of locations around the world including numerous boats, moving vehicles, and areas just outside volcanic villain lairs, often times massively endangering myself, my sexual partner, and my mission in the process.

First off, I’d like to apologize to everyone I’ve hurt: To the British government and its citizens, to M, to Miss Moneypenny, and most of all, to my loving wife of more than 30 years, Susan Wertz-Bond. Suzie, you’ll always be my rock, and I thank you for all of your unwavering support during this trying time.

Now, a lot of you didn’t know I was married, and there’s a reason for that: I’m an international superagent who constantly puts myself and those around me in mortal danger. Do you really expect me to go around wearing a wedding band and mentioning my wife willy-nilly when I’m banging villain-mistresses by the half-dozen inside laser-guarded kill-chambers? Sure, if I didn’t love my wife and wanted someone to come kidnap her, I could say “sorry I’m married” and refrain from constant sex with mysterious and often incredibly dangerous strangers, but I’ve never been one to take the easy way out. And yes, this also applies to when I’m off duty and frequent local pubs, and when I banged that Chili’s hostess six weeks ago, and when I slept with my wife’s sister Denise while she was visiting her grandmother in the hospital: The fact is, you just never know who’s secretly an evil double-agent, so it’s best to just never mention your wife in front of anyone, ever. I stand by that. [Keep Reading]

nickelodeon:

“Can we get tattoos? I wanna get one of my face on my face!” - Mikey

nickelodeon:

“Can we get tattoos? I wanna get one of my face on my face!” - Mikey

nickelodeon:

Our new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show emerges September 29 with a one-hour special!

(Source: atdevin)

pemberton:

Sixteen things you never knew you always wanted.
https://wantful.com

Check this site out. It’s really cool. 

pemberton:

Sixteen things you never knew you always wanted.

https://wantful.com

Check this site out. It’s really cool. 

(Source: taylorpemberton)

Let’s eat.

Let’s eat.

(Source: atdevin)

Screwed it!

Screwed it!

cavalier:

A look inside how @Cavalier does packaging and shipping.

The personalization of fulfilling orders is one of our favorite things to do.

http://cavalieressentials.com

want

cavalier:

Cavalier Essentials: by @Cavalier.
Now available for purchase at http://cavalieressentials.com

Coolest brand ever.

cavalier:

Cavalier Essentials: by @Cavalier.

Now available for purchase at http://cavalieressentials.com

Coolest brand ever.

Yep

Yep

(Source: atdevin)

Why am I being executed? Because of treasons.

(Source: atdevin)

via picturesandbadpuns